Understanding Your Behaviour: How the Stimulus–Thought–Emotion/Feeling–Behaviour–Consequence Model Can Help You Understand Yourself
Ever found yourself overreacting to something small and wondering afterwards, “Why did I do that?”
Or maybe you keep getting stuck in the same patterns — like procrastinating, getting defensive, or feeling anxious — and you’re not sure how to change it.
There’s a really simple model that can shed some light on what’s going on behind the scenes. It’s called the Stimulus–Thought–Emotion/Feeling–Behaviour–Consequence model. Bit of a mouthful, I know — but stick with me. It’s actually really straightforward, and once you get the hang of it, it can make a big difference.
Let’s break it down:
Here’s How It Works:
- Stimulus
Something happens. It could be something outside you (like someone frowning at you) or inside you (like a tight feeling in your chest). - Thought
Your mind instantly makes up a story about it. “She’s annoyed at me,” “I’m going to mess this up,” or “This is too hard.” These thoughts pop up super fast, often without us even noticing. - Emotion/Feeling
The thought sparks an emotional reaction. If you think you’ve upset someone, you might feel anxious, guilty, or even angry. - Behaviour
Based on that feeling, you act. Maybe you apologise over and over, get defensive, or shut down. - Consequence
And finally, there’s an outcome. Your action might ease the feeling for a moment — but it might also create a longer-term pattern that’s not so helpful.
A Quick Example
Let’s say your boss sends you a blunt email (stimulus).
You immediately think, “I’ve done something wrong” (thought).
You start feeling panicked (emotion).
You shoot off an apologetic email, over-explaining yourself (behaviour).
Later, you feel embarrassed and annoyed at yourself (consequence).
But what if you paused?
Noticed the thought — “Maybe it’s not about me” — took a few breaths, and responded calmly instead?
Same stimulus, different result.
The Big Takeaway
This model isn’t about blaming yourself for your reactions — it’s about understanding yourself better.
And from understanding comes choice.
The more you notice what’s happening in your own inner world, the more you can steer your life towards what matters most to you.
It’s not always easy, but it’s absolutely possible — and it starts with noticing that very first spark.
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