You can have a busy week, a full calendar, a partner, workmates and a phone that never stops — and still feel lonely. If that sounds familiar, you’re not imagining it, and you’re far from the only one. Loneliness has become one of the most common experiences Australians bring to counselling, and one of the least talked about.
Loneliness isn’t the same as being alone
Loneliness is the distressing feeling that arises when the connection we have with others falls short of the connection we want. That distinction matters. Some people live alone, see friends occasionally, and feel deeply content. Others are surrounded by people all day — at work, at home, online — and feel profoundly unseen. It’s the gap between the relationships we have and the relationships we need that hurts, not the number of people in the room.
That’s also why loneliness carries no shame. It isn’t a personal failing or a sign that something is wrong with you. Researchers describe it as a signal, a bit like hunger or thirst — your mind’s way of telling you that a basic human need for connection isn’t being met.
What the numbers tell us
Australia’s first State of the Nation report on social connection, published by Ending Loneliness Together, found that almost one in three Australian adults reported feeling lonely, with around one in six experiencing severe loneliness. Queensland recorded one of the higher rates in the country, at around 35 per cent. Loneliness touched every age group and was not confined to people living alone or living remotely.
Why it matters for health
Loneliness isn’t just unpleasant — it’s consistently linked to poorer health. A landmark meta-analysis by Holt-Lunstad and colleagues, drawing on data from more than three million participants, found that loneliness was associated with a 26 percent increase in the likelihood of early death — an effect in the same territory as many well-known physical risk factors. The Australian data tells a similar story: people who feel lonely are around twice as likely to have a chronic disease, almost five times more likely to experience depression, and four times more likely to experience social anxiety.
It’s worth being careful with these figures — they describe associations rather than simple cause and effect, and loneliness and poor health can feed each other in both directions. The overall picture from the research is clear: connection is a genuine health matter, not a luxury.
A particular word about men
Australia’s Ten to Men study — the largest longitudinal study of male health in the country — found that men who lacked close friends or relatives were around twice as likely to have thought about suicide in the previous 12 months. At the same time, only about a quarter of men said they would be likely to seek help from a mental health professional if something was weighing on them.
If you’re a man reading this and some of it lands close to home, please know that reaching out — to a mate, a GP or a counsellor — is a practical step, not an admission of defeat. And if you are ever having thoughts of suicide, support is available right now: Lifelineis on 13 11 14, 24 hours a day.
The good news: loneliness responds to support
Loneliness can shift, and research gives us useful clues about what helps most. A meta-analysis by Masi and colleagues compared different approaches — building social skills, increasing social contact, strengthening support networks — and found the most effective interventions were those that addressed the way we think about social situations. Long-term loneliness tends to bring unhelpful thought patterns with it: “I’d be a burden”, “they wouldn’t want to hear from me”, “I’m not good company right now”. These thoughts feel protective, but they quietly keep us disconnected — and they respond well to counselling approaches that gently examine and test them.
The research also suggests quality matters more than quantity. One or two relationships where you feel safe and known do more for wellbeing than a large circle of surface-level contact.
A few questions worth sitting with
- When did I last feel truly listened to — and who was I with?
- Are there people I’ve drifted from that I still think about?
- What do I tell myself when I consider reaching out to someone — and is that story actually true?
There are no right answers here. Noticing is the first step — loneliness thrives in silence, and it loses some of its grip the moment it’s named.
If you’d like some support
If loneliness has been part of your life lately, counselling offers a place to be heard without judgement, and to work on the patterns — practical and internal — that keep disconnection in place. Sunny Coast Counselling provides individual and couples counselling in person on the Sunshine Coast, and via Zoom, Teams or telephone across Australia and New Zealand. We also support workplaces through our Employee Assistance Program and wellbeing seminars.
If you’d like to talk, you an book a session here.
References
Ending Loneliness Together. (2023). State of the Nation report: Social connection in Australia 2023. https://endingloneliness.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/ELT_LNA_Report_Digital.pdf
Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., Baker, M., Harris, T., & Stephenson, D. (2015). Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: A meta-analytic review. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 10(2), 227–237. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691614568352
Masi, C. M., Chen, H.-Y., Hawkley, L. C., & Cacioppo, J. T. (2011). A meta-analysis of interventions to reduce loneliness. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 15(3), 219–266. https://doi.org/10.1177/1088868310377394
Australian Institute of Family Studies. (2020). Ten to Men insights report: Mental health of Australian males — depression, suicidality and loneliness. https://aifs.gov.au/tentomen/insights-report/mental-health-australian-males-depression-suicidality-and-loneliness