The Power of “I” Statements: A Healthier Way to Communicate
Communication plays a huge role in how we navigate relationships—whether with partners, family, friends, or colleagues. One simple yet powerful technique that can help you express yourself more clearly and reduce conflict is the use of “I” statements.
What Are “I” Statements?
“I” statements are a way of expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs without blaming or criticising others. They focus on your experience rather than pointing the finger. Instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” you might say, “I feel unheard when I try to talk and don’t get a response.”
Why “I” Statements Work
When emotions run high, it’s easy to lash out or make accusations, which can lead to defensiveness and arguments. “I” statements help to:
- Reduce defensiveness: People are more likely to listen when they don’t feel attacked.
- Promote responsibility: You take ownership of your feelings, rather than blaming others for them.
- Encourage empathy: They help others understand how their behaviour affects you.
- Improve clarity: You express what you need in a direct and respectful way.
A Simple Formula
To create an “I” statement, try this format:
I feel (emotion) when (describe the behaviour or situation) because _(explain the impact). I would like** (state your need or request).
For example:
- “I feel overwhelmed when there are last-minute changes to plans because it throws off my schedule. I would like more notice when plans change.”
- “I feel hurt when you walk away during a disagreement because I want to resolve things together. I’d like us to talk things through, even when it’s difficult.”
When to Use “I” Statements
“I” statements are especially useful:
- During conflict or tense discussions
- When setting boundaries
- To express unmet needs or difficult emotions
- When giving feedback in relationships
Practice Makes Progress
Like any skill, using “I” statements takes practice. At first, it might feel awkward or unnatural—especially if you’re used to more reactive communication. But with time, this approach can lead to more respectful, honest, and meaningful conversations.
If you find yourself struggling to communicate effectively or want help practising this skill in a safe space, speaking with a counsellor can be a supportive next step.
Need help improving your communication?
Visit Sunny Coast Counselling to book a session and take a positive step towards healthier relationships or book an appointment with John Belchamber here.