Transactional Analysis (often called TA) is a practical psychological model that helps us understand why we communicate the way we do—and how small shifts can make our interactions calmer, clearer, and more connected.
Developed by psychiatrist Eric Berne, TA suggests that we all move between three “ego states” in everyday conversations:
1. Parent
This is the part of us that carries rules, values, and learned responses from authority figures.
It can sound nurturing (“Are you okay? Let me help.”) or critical (“You always do this wrong.”).
2. Adult
This is our grounded, here-and-now self.
It takes in information, evaluates it logically, and responds calmly.
The Adult state is where problem-solving and healthy communication thrive.
3. Child
This state reflects our emotional experiences, needs, and creativity.
It can be playful (“This is fun!”) or reactive (“This is unfair!”).
None of these states are “good” or “bad”—we need all three. But tension arises when we speak from one state while the other person responds from another.
For example, one partner might speak from a Critical Parent tone, while the other reacts from a Hurt Child place—leading to conflict rather than understanding.
How TA Helps Us Communicate More Effectively
• It increases self-awareness
TA helps you notice which part of you is “showing up” in conversations.
Are you reacting from old patterns, past hurt, or stress?
Or are you responding from the calmer, more grounded Adult state?
Once you can identify this, you can choose a different way of responding.
• It reduces conflict
When both people shift into their Adult state—curious, respectful, grounded—conversations become safer and clearer.
Arguments often soften simply because both people are no longer reacting emotionally, but communicating intentionally.
• It provides a shared language
Many clients say that TA gives them words to describe what’s happening:
“Ah, I slipped into Parent mode there” or “I felt like my Child state was triggered.”
This can ease blame and increase mutual understanding.
• It strengthens boundaries
Recognising when someone is speaking from an unhelpful Parent or Child mode can help you stay grounded and respond thoughtfully—rather than being pulled into an emotional tug-of-war.
• It supports healthier relationships
Using TA, you can learn to ask for what you need more clearly, listen more openly, and respond more compassionately.
This often leads to deeper connection, whether in couples, families, workplaces, or friendships.
In counselling
A counsellor can guide you through identifying your communication patterns, understanding your triggers, and practising Adult-to-Adult communication.
You don’t need to “get it perfect”—the goal is simply more awareness and more choice.
You can book a counselling session here.